Tag Archives: HUMOR

IT WAS A DAY!

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I finally got the TV stand assembled. That I don’t watch TV is of no consequence. It’s still my entertainment center…keyboard, guitar, flute, books on painting and reference books. Pretty, isn’t it?  That helped me to complete my living room and I sat looking at it in delight, when I checked my facebook page and saw: David Wheaton is following you.   A few minutes later my laptop flashed a blue screen and died. I think the shock did it in. David is my son who disowned me 16 years ago.

I had planned on getting a new laptop and had just made a back up the day before, so nothing important was lost, other than programs I really liked. Life is so full, though. give me a month and I won’t even remember what they were because I will be busy learning to use something new.

This morning I signed on with my Acer netbook and saw:

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OK. The last I knew he didn’t like anything I said, did, or was. The only changes I have made in the last 16 years are to be even truer to myself, so either he’s changed or he’s nowhere near ready to deal with who I am now. There have been days even I haven’t been ready for who I am now.

I think it’s also important to note the screen saver I was using let me know it had expired with that last save.

PURPLE REIGN

She was so Black
Her skin looked purple
In the sun
I was lost
So she took me under her wing
And taught me how to live
She insisted we see Purple Rain
Together
But as I sat between her sister and her
I giggled
And she demanded to know why
There I sat watching an all Black cast
In a theater where I was the only
White woman
Her sister threw us a glare for whispering
“What’s so funny?”
She hissed
Taking my life in my hands
I blurted out
“I feel like the filling in an Oreo cookie!”
The three of us laughed so hard
We were thrown out of the theater
I never did get to see that movie
I’ll have to look it up
Purple Rain
Like my Queen Viola
And her Purple Reign

THE SHRINE OF GEEK

It’s a mythical mystical place
Where those who toil
To keep technology purring
May set their cares aside for a bit
And look upon IT

IT in all its glory
Letters ten feet tall
Atop a mountain of motherboards
Proclaiming no other
Man made concept will ever
Surpass IT nor replace IT

Geeks gather around
Smug and shrugging
Their chant
“What’s the big deal?”
Neither heard nor acknowledged
By the end user
Who believe geeks know all
But won’t tell
Can do all
Even if they spilled soda
On their keyboards

(c) 2008 Beth NoLastName

A wannabe geek, knowing she will never be more than a nerd.

PAIN PASSES

There is no painless dentistry
Without drugs
And there is no painless loving
Without drugs
Saying no to drugs
Means there will be pain

But sometimes…and more and more often
The pain passes quickly
And is followed by laughter at myself
And life around me

Thank You, God, I wear dentures now!
I can concentrate solely
On dealing with the pain of love

(c) 2008 Beth NoLastName

Author’s note: Usually by the time I remember to say Ouch! The pain is already gone. I’m to the point I can stop and tell a joke in the middle of an argument. Color me loving life!

THE EXTREME GEEK’S GUIDE TO DATING

1. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but if there is a mountain between the two points, and one is walking, there are times that going the long way around may prove to be, not only less exhausting than trying to go in a straight line, but also, in the long run, the shortest distance. True, one could tunnel through the mountain, but by the time that operation is completed the reason one was traveling from one point to another may no longer be valid.

2. 2×1=2 1+1=2 I can work on a project on Saturday and Sunday or I can work with another on Saturday and we can both take a break on Sunday. If I feel restless when I have a whole day to myself, I can work on a project by myself on Sunday. I could also make plans with the same person that I worked with Saturday and find something to do that isn’t work. When loneliness is factored out, good humor often rushes in to fill the void.

3. A dog is not as intelligent as I am. I cannot teach calculus to a dog. The dog does not care what I know or don’t know. The dog will, though, do what I train it to do within it’s capabilities, regardless of my manner of teaching it. The dog wants to learn. I can experiment with the dog. I can watch it’s expressions and see what posture it takes as I try different tones of voice in giving a command. The dog can be used as a firewall to keep intrusive humans outside the home and away from my computer. If I laugh, cry or occassionally pet the dog, it won’t tell anyone. My sense of emotional privacy will remain intact.

4. A woman is more intelligent than a dog, but not as predictable. (Refer to #1) A woman will place an expectation that we spend time together away from my work. (Refer to #2) A woman will care more about the tone of my voice when I speak to her than what I have to say. (Refer to #3) At this point it is important to reconsider the dog. The same dog that acts as firewall may now act as a buffer between a woman and me. If the dog likes the woman, there is a chance that I might, too. If the woman likes the dog, there’s a chance that she may like me. If I like the woman, the woman likes the dog, the dog likes the woman, but the woman doesn’t like me, the dog will still like me anyway, and the two of us can go off alone together and keep one another company.

(c) 2006 Beth NoLastName

ONE WORD WISDOM

In Spanish the word meaning

I don’t know

Is

Nosè

Pronounced NO-SAY

A wise language: Spanish

When we don’t know

We are best to keep our mouths

Shut

© 2007 Beth NoLastName

UPSIDE DOWN CLOWN

I roam downtown with my bag and my laptop

Tapping into wireless connections on the run

In businesses that don’t pay for hook up

Someone stole the router

From the public library

Where the connection is paid for

And meant to be a gift to the public

The humor of opposites continues to invade my life

Nothing what it appears to be

Very little functioning as intended

The fun in dysfunction

Saving my sanity

© 2008 Beth NoLastName